View Full Version : Man arrested after having sex with a bike
The Dark Vampire
11-15-2007, 05:13 PM
A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.
Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.
Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.
Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.
Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.
"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.
"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."
Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.
Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."
Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.
The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.
He now lives in Ayr.
Credit>http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm
sCabbOy
11-15-2007, 05:30 PM
Probation and registered sex offender for fucking a bike? Ridiculous. We have all used inanimate objects to get off at least once in our lives.
He was doing it in privacy, that maid breached his privacy by not knocking before opening the door.
This should never have even went to court, hell, he never should have had the cops called on him.
Voo-doo
11-15-2007, 09:40 PM
how do you even look at a bicycle in the first place? was there no old gym sock laying around?
sCabbOy
11-15-2007, 09:55 PM
I dunno, sometimes you need a foreign body... too bad a cantaloupe wasn't handy. It'd bizarre, but he should not be charged for a sex crime for it!
Darth Sinister
11-15-2007, 10:57 PM
He was doing it in privacy, that maid breached his privacy by not knocking before opening the door.
They knocked on the door several times, before resorting to using the key. Apparently he was so wrapped up in it, that he didn't hear them knocking.
Shoesalesman
11-15-2007, 11:22 PM
To be honest, I have no idea what to type here.
The Dark Vampire
11-15-2007, 11:23 PM
It may of been the town bike a lot of my friends used to try and doink one of them.
Spade
11-15-2007, 11:30 PM
To be honest, I have no idea what to type here.
My thoughts exactly. Between this and the man marrying a dog thread, I am at a loss for words.
Psychoticninja
11-16-2007, 12:39 AM
The marrying the job is kind of justifiable in a way... or at least that could be argued, but for this one ....oh well
But, seriously, this guy wasn't doing anything wrong! They invaded his privacy!! How the hell could he be sentenced for that!! Didn't the guy even try to defend himself?? Its not like he was hurting a living thing/defiling it, it was an INANIMATE object!! What the hell!!
sCabbOy
11-16-2007, 01:25 AM
They knocked on the door several times, before resorting to using the key. Apparently he was so wrapped up in it, that he didn't hear them knocking.
Well, if a maid knocks on my door several times when I am at a motel and then comes in she deserves whatever she sees. Still, invasion of privacy, and even if it wasn't.... it's a freaking bike.
When someone is sentenced for a sex crime there is no distinction (to ordinary people) if it was from molesting a 5 year old, having sex with a slightly underage partner, rape, sodomy, or masturbating in public. That's my problem... it's a stupid charge.
Uncle Hugo
11-16-2007, 01:53 AM
How do you have sex with a bike? I understand how someone could have sex with a car, but a bike?!
Shoesalesman
11-16-2007, 02:16 AM
Between this and the man marrying a dog thread, I am at a loss for words.
Ahem... a guy married a...dog? :eek:
Spade
11-16-2007, 02:22 AM
Ahem... a guy married a...dog? :eek:
http://www.f13-community.co.uk/board/showthread.php?t=1519&page=2 read it and weep my friend.
nottidelterrore
11-16-2007, 02:31 AM
Just let the guy screw his bike in peace.
The charges against the guy are lame. He may be a weirdo for screwing a bike but that leading into him being a registered sex offender? Come on. Sheesh.
sCabbOy
11-16-2007, 06:02 AM
How do you have sex with a bike? I understand how someone could have sex with a car, but a bike?!
Stand behind it put your penis on top of the seat, and push down against it with your hand? It can work :p
girlychaos
11-16-2007, 06:26 AM
That is so bizarre! I'm speechless.
Just Jeans
11-17-2007, 02:04 AM
How do you have sex with a bike?
Probably by humping the seat. It's just a form of assisted masturbation. People do it all the time with various household objects. It's not unlike a woman masturbating on a banister.
Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.
So a guy is loving on a bike in the privacy of his own room, he doesn't notice that a maid has walked in, and now he's in the Sex Offenders Registry? That is completely absurd. He's a sex offender for having his way with an inanimate object!
What if he'd been making it with a Fleshlight when the maid walked in? He'd have probably been slapped with a rape charge.
Yikes.
Did he has to use a condom to have sex with his bike? :eek:
Joe Strummer
11-18-2007, 06:25 AM
I hope he licked the spokes and massaged the tires before porking the hell out of that bike.
Geomonic
11-18-2007, 01:08 PM
Sounds like my Friday night. ;)
I understand how someone could have sex with a car, but a bike?!
Do you? Then you're a twisted individual, my friend. :)
Darth Sinister
11-22-2007, 09:45 PM
That is so bizarre! I'm speechless.
What's more bizarre is that sCabbOy knows how to do it. :p
sCabbOy
11-22-2007, 09:53 PM
What's more bizarre is that sCabbOy knows how to do it. :p
Well, seats to resemble butts.
Lance Lives
11-23-2007, 12:04 AM
Well, since we're clear on how to nail a bike, I'm still pretty confused on what you do to the car? I hope nobody says anything about a tail pipe:X
Well, since we're clear on how to nail a bike, I'm still pretty confused on what you do to the car? I hope nobody says anything about a tail pipe:X
Just open the gas tank & stick your pee pee in there. Jim Carrey did that in "Me, Myself, & Irene". :D :D
I guess it must have been a mountin' bike...
Esten
12-01-2007, 02:56 AM
Well, since we're clear on how to nail a bike, I'm still pretty confused on what you do to the car? I hope nobody says anything about a tail pipe:X
That car ain't falling for no banana in his tail pipe.
http://www.cineclub.de/news/images/2006/12/axel-foley.jpg
Shoesalesman
12-05-2007, 03:50 AM
:lmao: The last two posts...
He was in the privacy of his own room. He was not exposing himself in public. Those people barged in on him while he was not breaking any laws and violated his rights. This person was 100% violated. He was not raping someone or exposing himself in public. He was using a bicicle for as a sex toy. The guy is a sick nut, don't get me wrong, but he broke no laws and was 100% violated.
sCabbOy
12-05-2007, 08:29 PM
I wouldn't call him sick, no sicker than someone using an orange, a fake ass or vagina to get off.
haha.
J Killer
07-09-2008, 03:05 PM
NOW THAT WAS F***** UP:eek::doh:
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